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Hi Julie!

All 13 are total Strangers. First time since season 3. Wow-well, it’s about time.

BB House Montage - Oh sweet jesus, it looks like Annie Oakley threw up in there. Though, the 50s Diner kitchen is kind of cool. From here on out the HOH must be called The Fonz. I made that up, but seriously, how cool would that be?

Julie just said Gay Rodeo Champion. Never. Gets. Old.

House Guests Get Their Keys!

Jerry - Oldest man ever on reality TV. Younger than John McCain will be at the end of his first term. Think about that kiddos.

April - OCD, Slut. I bet her bedside table is a buffet of sex toys, neatly organized in an Elfa shelving system.

Dan - Catholic School Teacher. Packed an American Flag. Made fun of Liberals. I bet he goes to a lot of gay rodeo competitions.

Libra - Being a mom is the most important thing to her. Which totally explains why she is willing to leave 4 month old twins for 3 months. I kid, I kid - she actually seems normal. Mercury tells me that she will cry in the confessional about missing her kids.

Renny - Howler Monkey Hooker. I think she is wasted.

Cut to (Kudos to Big Brother Editor Extraordinaire):

Ollie Ray - Getting his key out of a bible. (since is seems like they have a good thing going) Please God, help him through this experience.

Steven - Still Gay. Still a cowboy. Must resist all temptation to call him Jack Twist. Note to readers: I hear by pledge to make that the one, only and last reference to Brokeback Mountain.

Brian - ohhh he is cute.

Bartender Smitty - He says, women give me cars, $2000 sport coats, fake numbers

Keesha and April are cut from the same (spandex) cloth.

Angie - seems semi-normal.

Jesse - is 100% natural. He wants yall to know that.

The Portuguese chick, didn’t get her name. She is sure to do for Portugal what Natalie did for the Beaver State.

Everyone says good bye to their friends and family (or in Holy Rollin’ Dan’s case, his class??). Renny is leaning out the car window. Probably puking.

Moving In and Introductions to Each Other

Julie tells them all that they must vote for the HOH before even speaking to each other. Essentially they must judge these books by their covers. Ollie Ray says, but I don’t judge. I love all of God’s children.

They vote, but we don’t get the results. Then she lets them go into the house in seemingly random groups (remember houseguests, the game never stops!!). Nice of the producers to let the old man go in last. Geez, they couldn’t have even let him get first pick at beds? The man was in the Korean War for Christ’s sake (sorry Ollie Ray).

Dan: “I’m not a Peace and Love guy” The Catholic Church would be so proud.
Madame Renny: “I used to get stopped a lot by cops” Adding, “until I moved into the BB house 11 seconds ago. No DUIs in here suckas!” [she exits left to go throw up some more]

Ahhh, Portugal’s name is Michelle. Good to know.

Renny is batshit crazy. B.A.T.S.H.I.T.

Jerry: “I’m a happy guy.” I heart him.

Smitty: “I’m a mixologist, it’s not a bartender” Me: Yes it is.

April makes several people feel her real, natrual boobs. Including Jerry. Maybe she is trying to get a job at Renny’s brothel.

Car Competition:

2 groups of 6. 1 person must sit out. Jesse taps out.

Julie tells them that the winner will win one of the vintage cars. Jesse is bummed. Smitty says its one of the “most boneheaded moves in BB history” Clearly he hasn’t watched much BB.

They all have to climb into the upside car - each person must get out one at a time (eliminating themselves). Last person in the winning car wins the Classic car. It’s also the food competition. Jesse gets food. Which is good, because steroids and slop don’t mix. Oh wait, he said he was all natural. But, I think he was talking about his boobs too.

Smitty says he doesn’t have a car. What about those cars that womanz were giving you, huh?

Red team pulls way out ahead.

It’s worth mentioning that Renny falls for no reason. Awesome.

Red team wins. Smitty wins the car. White team (including Grandpa Jerry) is on slop.

HOH Reveal

3 votes - 2nd place - Renny
4 votes - HOH (The Fonz) - Jerry!! They love him. As do I.

First Night (ish):

Dan and Brian team up. They bring in Ollie Ray.

Renny goes crazy. Starts squawking about a locked door in the middle of the night. Everyone hates her. It’s not even locked. She is an absolute nut bag. She wakes everyone up, but Jesse can’t go back to sleep. And he can’t take a sleeping pill, cause he’s all natural yall. They fight. She says: New Orleans, Hookers, Wasted. He retorts: Natural, Muscles, Natrual. This goes on for several minutes.

If my salon owner only wore wigs, I would stop going to that salon. I’m just sayin.

The X Factor - Jerry and Brian form an alliance - it even has hand signals!! God Bless the Troops.

Nominations: Jerry is The Fonz

Jesse and Renny are nominated - he says its because of the shenanigans from night before. Jerry said that it was for the houseguests to decide who gets to stay or go. Worth noting, this is also EXACTLY what Brian told Jerry to do.

Am I the only one who is bummed to see crazy Renny up? I want this lunatic to stick around longer!!!

Veto Tonight!

Until then, Peace and Love!! (I’m a good Catholic)