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It’s that time again! Big Brother 10 starts this Sunday and the Cast Bios are up! Here are my initial thoughts on this seasons houseguests (*I did NOT watch them on the Early Show this morning, so these reactions are based on their profiles and pictures alone — it’s more fun that way).

Before I start, it seems that they have asked each of the houseguests about their political views and, if given the opportunity, what political office they would most like to hold. In this much talked about election year, I can only assume that this will be the theme of the season. I expect the house will be decorated with defaulted mortgage papers, bald eagle feathers and Wal-Mart shopping bags.

ANGIE

29 - Virginia Beach - Single

Pharmaceutical Sales Rep

Bio Hightlights: First of all, I think I dozed off while I was reading her bio.

• Recently Divorced - Most likely because he was bored to tears.
• Gators Fan - Or maybe he was a UGA fan. Like Me. Angie is dead to me.
• Guinness Chugging Champ at an Irish Bar in Key West - The University of Florida has a lot to be proud of with this alum.

APRIL (we can expect a lot of shower scenes from this one)

30 - Arlington, NE (I’m not even sure what NE is) - Single

Financial Manager

Bio Highlights:

• Graduated from Doane College in Crete, NE - I think she is just making these places up.
• Works in a Car Dealership and “does well in a man’s world” - Which has absolutely nothing to do with her bleach blond hair and ginormous boobs.
• Has a tramp stamp - I’m truly shocked by this news.
• Her (self admitted) favorite activities are watching sports, grilling, bowling and having sex. Her professional success in “the man’s world” stems from her keen interest in sports, grilling and bowling.
• Ahhhh (slut) choooo

BRIAN

27 - San Francisco, CA - Single

Telecommunications Account Manager

Bio Highlights:

• He has worked as an investment banker, military recruiter and a snowboarder. He sounds stable.
• The rest of his bio is completely snoozy too. Come on Big Brother, where are my unicorn painting, bikini-clad paparazzo?!?
• Raised by “several tough, feisty Italian women” Are any of them available for the show?
  

DAN

24 - Dearborn, MI - Single

Catholic School Teacher - Holy Shitballs, Jackpot

Bio Highlights:

• He is conservative and not a fan of liberals. Close Match.
• He comes out swinging at Hillary Clinton, vegans, trashy tattooed/pierced freaks, partiers and weird tree-huggers. Cannot wait for West Hollywood Los Angeles to sink its teeth into this one.

JERRY

75 - Magnolia, TX - Married (for 54 years!)

Retired - Great-Grandfather

Bio Highlights:

• First sentence of his bio: “Jerry is a diehard Big Brother fan and hasn’t missed one episode in all nine seasons. He even watches Showtime After Dark and the 24/7 feed.” Jerry, I love you.
• He attributes a good marriage to allowing your partner their own space.
• He volunteers at an abandoned animal rescue. Maybe I am single because I generally rule out 75 year olds.

JESSIE

22 - Huntington Beach, CA - Single

Professional Bodybuilder

Bio Highlights:

• Ugh, yet another BORING guy. Seriously, I read it twice and couldn’t come up with anything noteworthy. We need some crazy - STAT.

KEESHA

29 - Burbank, CA - Single

Waitress

Bio Highlights:

• She graduated from high school and came out to Los Angeles to pursue a career in modeling. She now works at Hooters. If I had a nickel…
• She considers Hooters a major part of her life and aspires to become management. Kids, if life hands you lemons…
• PETA member - Cause she’d rather go naked than wear fur. (Ok, I added that last bit) She doesn’t eat red meat - but LOVES chicken wings!!

LIBRA

31 - Spring, TX - Married

HR Representative

Bio Highlights:

Libra’s ruling planet Venus has led her to rise above adversity to become a staunch Obama supporter in the heart of Bush’s country. This was a good sign for her, as she is the mother of a medical rarity: twin girls, one white & one black. The ying and yang of her universe (if you will). Her energy this month will focus on politics, strategy and gossip. However, that may all change when the new moon, brings some conflict and turbulence. Stay positive though, these could eventually lead to great fortune and fame.

MEMPHIS

25 - LA (via Tennessee) - Lives with Girlfriend

Mixologist (read: Bartender)

Bio Highlights:

• Memphis is a very charismatic young man who, as a teenager, once sold fake Nike sport shoes on street corners. Funny that the bio mentioned nothing of his childhood in Chinatown.
• He currently works as a “Mixologist,” which he insists should not be confused with a bartender. Just as “Shoe Salesman,” should never be confused with juvenile delinquent.
• For the record, he gives no explanation as to why we shouldn’t confuse Mixologist with Bartender. Henceforth, he shall be known as SMITTY.

MICHELLE

28 - Cumberland, RI - Single

Realtor

Bio Highlights:

• The only one to “jump-in” when the priest asked if there were any objections at her brother’s wedding. FINALLY some reality show material.
• Other than that, she is fairly boring. But, clearly this season, it doesn’t take much to stand out.

OLLIE

27 - Minneapolis, MN - Single

Marketing Sales Representative

Bio Highlights:

• Sweet-talkin’ son of a preacher man. From now on, he is OLLIE RAY.
  
• Grew up in a strict Pentecostal home (speaking in tongues Pentecostal - eek) and to this day doesn’t drink, smoke, curse or dance.
  
• His ideal mate is classy….but sassy. Ohhh Snap!
• Yawn - but could be the religious whackadoodle and they always make for good houseguest punching-bags TV.

RENNY

53 - New Orleans, LA (oh dear god, I hope she is a brothel madame) - Married

Beauty Salon Owner (probably a front)

Bio Highlights:

• She describes herself as vivacious, passionate, entertaining, socialite, life of the party.
  
• She doesn’t kiss on the mouth.
  
• She has outfits and wigs for every occasion. Of course she does.
• She does Elvis, Marilyn and Judy Garland impressions. Happy Birthday Mr. President.
  
• When asked what political position she would like to hold, she responded missionary.

STEVEN

35 - Dallas, TX - Single

Rodeo Competitor (It’s the ropes and the reins, the joys and the pains…)

Bio Highlights:

• Steven is a geographic consultant by day and a rodeo cowboy by night. He is now ROCK JOCK.
• He is a champion bull rider in the gay rodeo circuit. My head just exploded.
• To be honest, I couldn’t focus on the rest of his bio.
  

So there you have it kids and kidettes. So far, these folks all seem pretty boring - but I am happy to see that there is a pretty broad diversity in the cast. That should be a welcome change from last seasons’s overgrown pre-schoolers.

For their full bios click here.

Tune in Sunday! Oh, and I’ll be back next Tuesday with a recap of Sunday’s show, as I will be traveling all day Monday